Wednesday, July 1, 2015

The Insistence on Being Right

Why do most people have an insistence on being right? If ever there was a basic human flaw, it is this one. Marriages break up because of it. Countries even go to war because of it. One thing is true beyond all other things: People will insist that their opinions and beliefs are the right ones. For them they are. But no opinion or belief is right for everyone.

There must be some sort of mechanism at work here. And there is.

The mechanism of a person always wanting to be right is deeply engrained in the human psyche. Whether you believe you are a spiritual being from God or an atheist with just a body and a thinking brain I don't care. Being right is deeply engrained.

Since we were cave men and women, right has been equated with survival. Back in a tooth and claw environment if one made wrong decisions one paid for it with their lives. So being right became very important.

This probably had something to do with the modern human's mechanism on the insistence of being right. They think subconsciously, "If I'm not right, I'll die."

Of course, in today's world one can make poor (not right) decisions all the time of varying degrees and one still survives. It takes a mighty poor decision to cut one's life short. Drugs, crime, etc. things of this nature can cut one's life short. But I'm sure addicts and criminals have their acts justified in their own minds so that even they are right.

Addicts and criminals aside, arguing with your spouse about the color of the living room curtains (or the best brand of vitamins, etc.) to buy is hardly going to kill you if you let your spouse decide for both of you.

There are so many times in a relationship where we have the opportunity of being the hero by letting the other person have it their way or letting them decide a virtually unimportant matter. Don't waste those opportunities.

What about important matters?

Important matters may take a little patience and reasoning, but in the long run you will find that most of those matters only seemed important at the time. Few, if any, were ever really life-threatening. So why not let them have it their way like Burger King?

If you do your relationship will be better for it and it will survive well.

One last thing about letting others be right. If you let your spouse have it their way, please do it graciously and without fanfare. If it turns out later that they made the wrong decision, please do not rub their nose in it. They will surely know that their decision was the wrong one and there will be no need to say anything. A relationship is not a contest, it's a partnership. You won't win anything by gloating that you were right. In fact, if you keep your mouth shut, in the future your spouse may not insist upon being right as much.

Try this experiment today. Let your spouse be right about everything. See if anything bad happens because of it. If nothing does, try it for a week and see if anything in your relationship changes. If it changes for the better (I'm betting it will) then maybe you ought to think about making it part of your everyday life.

Until next time, remember that a happy relationship creates a happy life.

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