Monday, December 14, 2015

Sex, Love, and Marriage

One of the reasons for the high divorce rate has to do with the fact that sex gets confused with love. It has been said that men give love to get sex and women give sex to get love and I think most people understand intellectually that sex is not love.

Just because you have great sex with someone does not mean they are the right person for you. Don't get me wrong, sex is an important aspect of a marriage but it is only one aspect among many.

A better thing to look at when dating or selecting a marital partner would be to see what the person's viewpoints and goals are. If you are a woman and your goal is to have a big house on a hill with four children but you are dating a man who loves his apartment and could care less about owning a house or having children, then don't complicate matters by having sex with him. Cut bait. Fish elsewhere.

Because sex creates complications.

I went to a wedding a couple years ago out of state. There were rumors at the time that the groom and the bride fought like cats and dogs. That marriage lasted a year. Why did they get married in the first place? I even found out recently that the groom was tipped off that the bride was cheating on him the week before the marriage!

Here is where you find out about sex causing complications. When you start having sex with someone a strong physical attraction is created. It is almost like a "magnetic attraction." And once you start that kind of physical relationship it becomes even harder to separate. The magnetic attraction created by the sex is like pushing a car down a hill with no one in the driver's seat to hit the brakes and slow it down.

In other words, you have begun an action and now you will feel like you have to continue the action and will be unable to stop it. This kind of thing ends up in people heading down the aisle and into divorce court shortly thereafter.

The answer is to not start a sexual relationship until you have found someone who has goals and viewpoints similar to your own. Remember sex will always complicate things.

But even if you have started a sexual relationship with someone that is no reason to continue a relationship with someone you have nothing in common with. Remember you can always stop the action. You can always say, "This is not working out." Even right up until the marriage and the "I dos."

Most bad marriages can be avoided by applying the above. Check the person's viewpoints and goals. Some obvious viewpoints are: Do they believe in God? Atheists should probably not marry theists. Do they want children? Are they liberal or conservative? What is important to you? Is it important to them? Etc.

A few differences in viewpoint may be okay, others may be deal breakers. If it is a deal breaker don't try to fix it. There are literally billions of potential partners out there. They may live in another state or even another country, but there are dating websites galore to help you find the right person.

Remember that part of finding the right person is not wasting time with the wrong person. There are tons of Mister Rights and Miss Rights out there. You should just actively look and not waste time. Don't be afraid to cut bait and fish elsewhere.

Don't waste time. Have the courage to leave a bad relationship. It takes courage. Trust me. Your courage will be rewarded. Leaving a bad relationship will be a relief. Start today. You don't have the time to waste. Apply the above and help create your own happy marriage and life.

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